Thursday, August 25, 2005

overwhelming emotions..

I'm getting so many reminders that Teachers' Day is just around the corner and they just seem to throw knives at my heart. At a time where a teacher would want to be reminded that he or she is appreciated, I feel totally rotten. In fact, I don't even feel that I'm a teacher anymore. Helping out some classes at another school further reminds me that I'm not doing what I'm suppose to be doing - teaching.

I've always wanted to be strong but I truly feel so weak right now. Maybe it's the long wait that's draining me. Or perhaps it's just that God wants me to really get into the pain so that I can truly understand what He wants me to understand. Please pray for me as I work through these strong emotions that I'm feeling hard to manage. May my weakness be made strong in His strength.

Monday, August 15, 2005

responding to crisis

One of the books that I'm currently reading is "Thriving Through Crisis" by Bill O'Hanlon. He shared about some people's positive responses to crisis. Let me share the experiences of one prominent person whom we may all remember.

This person is movie producer, Steven Spielberg. In an interview, Spielberg spoke about his parents' divorce and the devastating impact it had on him in his younger years. His mother was a piano teacher and his father was a computer technician. The interviewer asked Spielberg about a scene in his movie "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", in which humans and aliens make contact. At 1st they cannot work out how to communicate, then one of the scientists realizes that the aliens are transmitting four musical notes. The humans respond in kind and then the computers that are generating the musical notes take over and learn the other species' language. The interviewer again asked Spielberg if this was influenced by his parents' professions. At that moment, Spielberg realized for the 1st time, many years after he had made that movie, that he was trying to get his parents' alien cultures to connect metaphorically. He was following his wound into his art. After that, Spielberg admitted that he made most of his movies to exorcise many inner fears he had as a child. He was afraid of what was under the surface of the ocean that he couldn't see and he made "Jaws". He was upset and terrified about anti-Semitism and he made the Holocaust movie "Schindler's List" (he also later created a documentary project to preserve memories of Holocaust survivors).

The author of the book O'Hanlon wrote that our 'insides" give us two clear signals about what we're meant to do in this life. One which "blisses" (aimates and moves us emotionally) us out and another which "pisses" (righteous indignation or personal wounds) us off. He believes that these two signals help guide us into the right directions for work and other areas. He says that a crisis is often an opportunity to reconnect with these two deep messages and to heed them in ways that we have not done so previously.

O'hanlon goes on to write that if our traumas and crises lead us to connections within ourselves or to others, compassion for ourselves and others, or the desire to make a contribution to the world, they can be healing to ourselves and to the world.

I agree with him mostly, only that I also believe that times of crises often reconnects us with God in a deeper way. This connection with God will allow us to transform our pains into gains, for ourselves, for others and most importantly, for His Kingdom. May the Lord help us to all thrive in our times of crisis.

Book Link:
Thriving Through Crisis: Turn Tragedy and Trauma into Growth and Change

Monday, August 08, 2005

finding a new focus...

Thank you all for praying unceasingly for me and for my family through this period of crisis! I know that hard as I try, there's a point where all human effort fails. Challenging as it is, let's rein in our impatience and continue to wait upon the Lord.

My NLP classes started this recent weekend and I've had a good start to the certification course. I'm glad that I'm learning together with a varied bunch of pleasant and positive individuals. The intructor is committed to the subject and excited about sharing his knowledge and experience with us. As teaching and working had been such a great part of my life, I had been feeling a sense of my self "fading away" since being "exiled". I needed to re-focus and to channel my energies constructively. I've directed some of my energies to reading devotional books and now, to learning about NLP. I've also signed up for a DISC certification course next month.

I believe that I need to make good use of the time even as I wait for God to reveal his plans for me.